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Jan. 26th, 2008

Ok. This is going to be a long, complaining post, where I mostly talk about how busy I am. Consider yourself warned.

(Also: please note the EMPHASIZED WORDS. They are the ones in CAPITAL LETTERS. You can't miss 'em. ;) )

Ok, so yesterday was a baaaaad day. I hate fridays. Sooooo much. Hate, hate, hate! I don't know, I just always get really, really depressed. It's pretty terrible. Anyway, I'm just glad that's behind me... until next week. But let's talk about this weekend, ok? Because I am DYING in school.

We have a take-home exam for diffy q. That class is INSANE. This man, oh my gosh... I can't even explain. Apparently we also have a TA, and we can go to her office hours to get help. I'm thinking I really might have to take advantage of that. Anyway, as he was giving us her name/office number, he was like "oh, and she's an undergraduate, but she's taken all of my graduate classes, so she's good. She's also a physics major, not a math major." OH. GREAT. So I'm just the dumb physicist that can't even handle the one undergrad class he teaches. Whereas this other chick isn't even a math major, yet she's TA-ing because she took ALL of the graduate classes in a subject that isn't even her MAJOR. Ahh! So, this take-home exam. I haven't started yet. That's tomorrow. Our teacher: "DON'T make any STUPID mistakes. CHECK your answer. If you make a STUPID error, that's BAD. If you think I do problems quickly, you should see me grade your exams!" This does not bode well for me. Because that man does problems ridiculously fast in class. We were doing one yesterday, and he was like, "well, this is really a very simple problem. I've already solved it in my head, I know the answer, but let's see, I guess we can write some stuff out." He also says he won't give us a test he can't finish in 4 minutes. I believe it. The man is a freaking genius, but I am so incredibly inadequate that I just CAN'T HANDLE IT. I would also like to point out that I'll be taking this exam, when I have yet to get a SINGLE PROBLEM CORRECT this entire semester. sigh.

Programming assignment due on wednesday. It's the same assignment as last week, but now we have to use functions, and while I'm finally grasping them, for some reason they confuse the heck out me. I just HOPE I'll have time to work on it tomorrow. Or maybe not, maybe I'll do it monday/tuesday/wednesday, so I can finish other homework tomorrow. Even though the math will take me like 4 hours. And I AM NOT exaggerating. An hour per problem is NOT an over-estimate. :-\

Quantum. I actually almost finished the assignment, today. I just have one graph that is NOT cooperating and I don't know what I'm doing wrong with it. There's also this insane derivation that I'm utterly and completely STUCK on. Like, I just don't have any more ideas as to what I can try to do to the equation. I guess I'll have to ask Kris or Kent or some other guy in my class. I feel bad, I'm ALWAYS having to ask for help. I can never seem to complete a whole assignment on my own. And a few of my other problems had very "fishy" answers. For different reasons, they each just sort of "felt" wrong, but my math was telling me that, in fact, the velocity is 0. I mean, maybe it does make sense, but why would they ask that as a problem if that's the case, you know? etc etc etc.

I haven't even started my thermo homework. It's due thursday. Wednesday might be a VERY PAINFUL NIGHT. If I don't have time to get to it until later in the week, because I'm trying to finish other stuff... ug I don't even want to think about it. I really should try to get at least some of it before tuesday class, though... That is such a cool class, really interesting, but it's freaking hard, man. I leave that class, and my head is swimming in math.

Wow, I just realized something: I'm pretty freaking good at math. I mean, I know I feel terrible at it, but... with the exception of diffy q, I'm pretty good. I mean, maybe I don't always understand it all at first glance, but looking at all the crazy math in quantum/thermo, and being expected to know/understand it, I know it's not really like, way beyond me, or anything. How exciting. Anyway!

I'm not even trying to do my reading for UH anymore, either. Screw that.

Also: In case I didn't have enough due this week, all of my internship applications are due either wednesday or thursday. I'm done with.... 3? 2 to go. Oh geez. I hate writing these dumb essays. "In reality, I don't entirely want to get this internship because it requires working. But on the other hand, it would be cool. Just make the decision for me, please, thanks."

In other news, I decided I'm going to run a half-marathon in may. As you may or may not know, one of my Goals In Life is to run a marathon... so I better get my butt in gear, right? Anyway, as you also may or may not know, I am NOT a runner. I don't run. EVER! I'm like the queen when it comes to the elliptical, and I mean, I'm not in terrible shape or anything, but I just don't run. So! With 4+ months, I need to get to 13ish miles. Today, I tackled one of the only pieces of gym equipment I have NEVER confronted before: the treadmill. HOLY CRAP that think KICKED MY BUTT! I managed 3.75 miles in 35 minutes. I was sweating so freaking hard, I don't think I've had such a good workout in a LONG time! I did another 35 minutes on my normal elliptical, but holy crap. My muscles are sore! It was good, but... geeez! Time to whip myself into shape, right?!

Jan. 15th, 2008

Stress, stress, stress, stress and a little bit more STRESS!

HOLY CRAP. How is it even POSSIBLE to already be this overwhelmed and stressed out. I just want to curl up in bed and CRY. FOREVER.

I SUCK at differential equations. I had ONE problem to do for homework, and I have NO IDEA how to solve it. I tried reading the book, but I can't even find the right section (the problem was from a photocopy of a different edition), and even if I COULD find it, the book is impossible to understand, anyway. I SUCK at thermodynamics. We spent like half an hour deriving this crazy approximation and I DO NOT understand it, I just scribbled it down trying to make sense of it but I don't even KNOW what it MEANS, much less how to duplicate the results. I SUCK at programming, and I do NOT want to have to go over my program and figure out if I did things wrong, because it doesn't make SENSE and I don't REMEMBER all these things. I can't really say I SUCK at quantum yet, because we haven't actually been assigned anything, but I'm just sort of hoping I understand things in class.

In summary: I SUCK AT LIFE.

(Yes. To me, math + science = life.)

Jan. 14th, 2008

I officially feel like a geek now because I have now officially coded my own, first program! Ok, so I didn't finish the assignment, but I'm ALMOST done, and I just got sick of it. And it's sad, because it is so ridiculously simple, and yet, I'm already like, just having to copy the form of the examples, and stuff.

But, you know, if you ever need to find the area of a triangle, or solve a third-order polynomial, or a few other things liek that, let me know. I've got you covered.

(grrrrrr at computer science!)

P.S. Geeks are cool. Really. I just find it hard to see myself sitting around writing computer programs. I'm not exactly a computer person. Ahh.
I spent $560 on books, today. My physics books are RIDICULOUS.

Modern book

Thermodynamics book

Basically, even though you might not be able to tell from the pictures, they are ridiculously scary looking. Like, I feel like I'm supposed to be really, really smart to just LOOK at these books..... much less take a course for them and use them and underst and themand LEARN them!

My math teacher is soooo...strange. Differential Equations is strange, but maybe it's only because I don't know what is happening. He's sort of insane, though. The way he talks... It's sort of frightening. He's very loud, and animated, and enthusiastic, and he never stops, and he doesn't use notes because he has a ridiculous memory, like he wrote down a table of (what seemed like) 20 random number (all decimals), and assured us they were the right values for the error function of something-or-other, and that he could reproduce the same table later, he just has a really good memory, and we only have take-home exams because the university thinks that the only way that you can learn anything is to scare the hell out of you, but we don't NEED that pressure, in the real world nobody CARES if we can solve the problem in 50 minutes, and we can look up references, so why make us do it in school, and mu of x is e to the negative x squared, and we should memorize that because what if there was a guy with a machete waiting outside the door who would chop us down if we didn't know that, and since this function is multiplied by an exponential, and the function is set to zero, and the exponential can NEVER equal zero, so if this is true then obviously these inner terms equal ZEEEROOO. Seriously, he talks just like that. ZEEEROOO. It's so funny.

And he said "ergo" in his lecture about 5 times. I am NOT even kidding.

The man is INSANE. He said our class is the only class he teaches that isn't a graduate class, but still!

History junk is boring. The man reminds me sliiiiiiightly of Mr. Raydar, but not annoying. Computer Science is STUPID. I already can tell I'll hate it. Sigh.

Dec. 13th, 2007

Sooooooo..... I really suck. Really suck at studying, especially.

All day, I've done nothing. Well, no. I did some linear algebra, but it was hardly any. I haven't reviewed ANY of the old material. I sort of DON'T CARE, at this point. And I haven't studied for spanish at all. Which is in... about 10 hours. I should look through the vocab, and verb tenses, at least! See, I suck. I can't be made to CARE!

The physics test SUCKED, by the way. I mean, just in case you were wondering. It was loooong and I took 2 hours and was finally like "you know what I don't know let's just turn it in." I made some stuff up, and at least I boxed an answer for every one, but... yeah. One of the questions asked us to derive the equation for beats, given two wave equations. Now, when it comes to beats, I just remember ƒbeat=ƒ2 –ƒ1. I mean, that's really all you're doing. But no no no, this was using the two waves, Asin(2piF1t) + Asin(2piF2t), so I just sort of.... combined terms, added the amplitude, and took out a 2pit in each, using some trig identity, even though I don't think it was really mathematically legal. And my result was something like 2Asin(2pit(f2-f1)) so at least it looks a little bit like it?

In any case, it was ridiculous.

Ok I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed to be studying. I'm going to regret my lack of studying tomorrow. Ehhhh......

Ughhhh, break is soooooooo clooooseeeeee........

I'm also all alone in my suite. Normally there are 5 other girls around, and now I'm all alone. :( lonely!
No more calculus. Ever! Class, at least. Differential equations, here i coooooome. The final sort of sucked, but I'm fairly confident I passed the class. :-P I hope.

PHYSICS on the other hand. you'd laugh if you could see me at my desk right now. in order to type, i'm stretched way accross my book, piles of scrap paper, a semester's worth of old homework and solutions, and my notebook. I know...pretty much nothing. Ceq=(1/C1+1/C2+1/C3+...)^-1 for capacitors in series. There, I know one thing. Now let's add twenty million more things.

Basically, I am so beyond screwed, I'm going to CRY.

I am going to absolutely DIE.

Calculus final monday morning. On the bright side, this means I will never have to take another calculus class ever again. That's only because it means I will have completed all the calculus classes that exist, and instead I get to do fun stuff like take an entire class devoted to differential equations (kill me now!) but even so!

Physics final tuesday afternoon and HOLY CRAP I CANNOT STUDY FOR THIS I DON'T REMEMBER A THING! lasdjflksdjf

Biology final wednesday night, but studying for that class will consist of reading my notes once. IF that. The class is such a joke; I have a 98% right now. I'm not too worried.

Spanish final friday morning. I'm glad I don't have to worry about spanish, because otherwise, no se como podria estudiar para el examen. Tengo vocabulario para aprender y formas de verbos y conjugaciones para revisar, pero no es nada dificil. Que bueno.

Linear Algebra final friday afternoon. As long as I can study thursday and learn, it's not too bad. I have an A- right now. So if I can scrape by with a B+ at least overall, I don't mind.l

BUT CALC AND PHYSICS ARE GOING TO KILL ME. Especially physics. Math, at least you can do problems, and work through it, etc. And I've gotten through a few sections in the last few days, and while I am by no means ready for the test, I feel much better about it. Physics, on the other hand, is impossible. There is no way in heck I am ever going to remember all the equations from one chapter, let alone all 14 chapters that the test will cover. I got through like 5 problems so far. I don't understand. I don't remember how to do anything and nothing makes sense. I freaking hate this.

Can I pleaaaase just not think ever again?!

Dec. 3rd, 2007

So, I get to go home in 12 days. Finals next week.

And I have nothing left to say to you.